I want you to succeed, now pull up your pants!

The MTC summer school experience for me so far has been both disappointing and encouraging. It is discouraging to feel like most of my energy is spent herding, correcting, chastising and silencing disruptive or disrespectful students. I know I can teach, I've done it before, but teaching someone who is defiant seems close to impossible. I don't think it's possible to force someone to learn something. It seems like you need to convince them that they should care, and I'm at a loss as to how to do that. I'm reminded of the senior thesis another sociology student did at Yale. She found that for the poor, male, (urban), black students she interviewed, they were more likely to try hard in a class if they liked a teacher and wanted his or her approval, unlike middle and upper class students who are more likely to see academic achievement as a means to an end. Other researchers have come to similar conclusions when studying poor students. This all sounds nice, except how am I supposed to balance that finding with my mandate to keep all (male) pants up and all (male) shirts tucked in?

It's also discouraging that while there are many students in my class eager to learn and participate, I cannot seem to challenge those students, teach the rest of the class that is struggling with the basics and control the ones that don't seem to care. Once again, the idea of differentiated instruction sounds nice, but what does that mean exactly? From my discussions with mtc second years and others involved with the program, it appears that classes such as the one I am observing/teaching are the norm. Tracking is rare in Mississippi, and I am going to have to get used to trying to reach students at different levels simultaneously instead of in separate classes.

It is encouraging that now, and during the school year, I won't need to look hard for a support systems. MTC is giving us the best shot at success. Although all those feedback forms can be overwhelming, no one can say we weren't given advice. I also am encouraged by the fact that admitting you are struggling or admitting you're not a great teacher is totally OK and expected in MTC.

I don't think I've improved too much yet. Unlike some of my peers, I haven't taught too many times. I have learned a lot about what I need to improve, and what I will need to change to fit into the system my students will be used to. I need to be meaner and more vocal. Proximity and a stern look used to work for me in previous teaching situations. The students I taught last summer, for instance, could be very rowdy and prone to misbehaving, but never openly defiant or hostile. When you caught them about to do something against the rules, they were always subdued. Not here. I also found out you can't expect for students to copy notes as you go over them. Note writing has to be it's own thing, done in silence. I also need to develop the ability to both simultaneously get the projector working AND greet students at the door.

Despite all that, I still retain the (probably naive) dream of getting my students hooked on reading (anything, even Twilight) this year. I think you can teach grammar and literary terms till you're blue in the face, but there's no replacement for actual time reading when it comes to improving a student English skills. I want to know how to get students into books. I want to know how to help struggling readers find something that is at their level but still interesting. I want to know how to generate actual discussions in class about books.